Russian Dancer Implicated
in Bizarre Star Wars Twins
Pregnancy at Legends
Dasha Ruden, (circled) backstage at Legends in Concert, promoting a healthy diet to her fellow dancers.
BRANSON, MO - Dancer Dasha Ruden of the award winning, hit show, "Legends in Concert", has potentially been identified as just the latest Earth individual who has manifested themselves on this planet as a real character from the George Lucas Star Wars saga.
"We thought it uncanny that the delivery date was May 4th... ya know, 'May the Fourth'.... as in 'May the fourth be with you', aka 'May the force be with you'", claimed Jill Heppner, Marketing Manager at Legends in Concert.
Heppner's insight is not without serious scientific credibility, as it was she who postulated earlier in the year, "Now, is it Pluto the planet, or Pluto the dog, that isn’t a planet anymore?” Jill's insight into the universe has led her to be a top candidate to win the coveted Kcufehttahw Award from the Université de Genève in Switzerland.
But the irony doesn't stop there. Dasha along with husband, Chism Ruden discovered that not only were the married couple to have twins, but that there would be a boy and a girl... exactly matching the legacy of Luke and Leia from the Star Wars Saga. More Page 4-->
Chiefs Release Controversial Video of New Mascot's "Rain Dance" from Audition
"We thought it was a prudent move at the time."
Clark Knobel Hunt - Chairman and CEO of the Kansas City Chiefs
BRANSON, MO - Clint Nievar, a.k.a. "Joliet Jake Blues" from the
award-winning show, "Legends in Concert" will also be performing as the new mascot for the Kansas City Chiefs starting during the 2020 NFL season.
The problem, however, is Nievar's "Rain Dance".
According to multiple unnamed sources, Nievar's dance was solely responsible for mass flash flooding in the Branson area in the Spring of 2017. The flash flooding resulting in the deaths of three tourist, each of whom drowned in the after effects of a massive deluge.
Branson Police Chief, Jeff Matthews declined to elaborate on reports of an investigation into the matter, though he did confirm that "Mr. Nievar is a person of interest".
Fast forward to the Kansas City Chiefs who... More Page 2 -->
Clint Nievar performs his controversial "rain dance" during his mascot audition, a dance that
allegedly led to three drowning deaths due to mass flooding in the Branson vicinity in 2017.
Legends Group Sales Dept. Announces New Advertising Campaigned to Lure Bus Groups
Excerpts from Legend's New "F'ing Amazing" Ad Campaign
BRANSON, MO - Group Sales Manager, Patti Ferrulli announced on Friday that Legends in Concert would immediately start implementing a new marketing plan to "lure in" bus groups in 2020.
"Our research has indicated that the average aged person on a bus cusses a lot more than we previously thought," said Ferrulli. "I know I certainly enjoy cussing every now and again."
This insight has led to Legends in Concert's new "Legends is F'ing Amazing" campaign, the brain child of Ferrulli herself... More Page 7 -->
lEGENDS DANCER PROVES SHE "WORKS HARD FOR HER MONEY"
BRANSON, MO - Four incredibly beautiful and talented dancers on the stage; Donna Summer singing out the raw lyrics of "She Works Hard For Her Money"; the dancer's move in behind Donna as they descend the stairs...
And that is when disaster almost struck...
Melody Boyens, dancer in the award-winning production show, "Legends in Concert" just pulled off the
save of the year... More Page 5 -->
Melody Boyens Escapes Disaster During a Production Number of Donna Summer's "She Works Hard for Her Money"